Well, tomorrow is my nephew's 17th birthday. I went to the store the other night and thought I'd try to look for a birthday card but I couldn't find one. I stood in front of the cards, picking up one by one... reading the cheerful sentiments and well wishes. Tears just streamed down my face. I couldn't find one to send to him. I feel like our relationship has changed so much. I don't feel cheerful toward him. I'm so heartbroken, disappointed, and yes, still very angry at his actions. When I last saw him and last spoke with him on the phone, he showed no remorse... No ownership about what happened with his dad (my brother) and stepmother's home. No love or concern that his actions caused them to lose their home and almost every single belonging they owned. No concern for their well being, the "family" that took him in when his own mother abandoned him. He showed no emotion whatsoever. How can that be? What happened to the little boy that I loved with my entire heart? I look back at our times together and I'm just filled with total sadness. Even looking back as recently as our wedding saddens me. He had a very special part in the wedding and as I look through our proofs to choose our photos, my heart just breaks.
I hope this passes. I truly do. I don't like feeling this much sadness. I know our relationship will never be the same again. I feel like I don't know who he truly is and that is a hard pill to swallow. Maybe some day we will have some form of relationship but the innocence is lost. The unconditional love... It now has conditions.
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