Turning over a new leaf...

Several months ago, I was thinking about my dad and how he was always this distant memory when I was growing up. I had no photos of him with me as a child. I remember when I moved from my childhood home to an apartment (I was in my mid-20s), I went through some boxes we had in our storage building. I found photos of me as a baby and young child WITH my father! Oh, it was like I was reborn at that moment in time. I felt that distant memory close in and I felt a sense of belonging. A sense of love.

Flash forward 20 years or so... I am happily married with a wonderful and beautiful daughter... And I refrain from having my picture taken with her. Why? Because I am overweight. I think I weigh more than I ever have in my life and I am embarrassed to have photos taken of me. I have put off having a family picture taken because of how I will look in it. A camera adds 10 pounds and gosh, I couldn't afford to look even fatter! I started feeling guilty about being so selfish and self conscious. I remembered how I felt when I didn't have photos of me with my dad. Would she feel that way? What if she had no photos of me and her just because I was afraid to get in front of the camera? What if something happened to me and all Shelby would have would be photos? Would there be any?

I've had some "health nudges" lately... trying to get me to go down the right path to health and fitness and I've kinda listened to them but not really. I've done things half-ass and not really committed to improving who I am. With my family history of heart disease and diabetes, I should be more aware and pro-active.

Shelby deserves better than that... so do I... and so does my husband.

I had signed up for Weight Watchers Online at the end of May but had done nothing with it. I decided several weeks ago to convert my membership so that I would go to weekly meetings and really knuckle down and do what I needed to do to get healthy. I "officially" started last week and went to my first meeting. I thought I would feel humiliated but I didn't. It was very inspirational.

Another thing that is encouraging me is we are having a Wellness Challenge at my new job. We are divided into teams of four. There is a team challenge and there is also an individual challenge to the person who loses the most percentage of weight. There are monetary rewards for winning the challenges (and wouldn't that money be helpful down the road should I need a new wardrobe for my new svelte self??). I committed to doing the challenge (it isn't mandatory) because I needed that extra accountability. If I slack, I let 3 other people down that I have to see almost every day at work! Hmmm... don't want to do that!

So how am I doing with this new lifestyle? Not too bad. I track my daily points, which is easier than I thought. I have reduced the number of meals I eat out and that helps making it easier to track. I have my Dining Out Companion book that I carry in my purse should I need to go somewhere and figure out the best food option. That has come in handy!

On Tuesdays, we have our "team check-in" at work and on Thursdays, I go to my WW meeting and weigh in. Thursday will be the completion of my first week and I'm very excited about finding out how much I've lost and accomplished during the first week and to be inspired to go forward another week! I've had 2 Dr. Peppers in the past 5 days, which is a feat in itself! They are 3 points and I'd rather have sustenance than waste those points on something that won't fill my belly!

I know in the past, Shelby has been the focus of my blog. When I got married, my heart was truly content and when we brought Shelby into this world, my heart melted and the amount of love that filled it was beyond belief. Through all of this, my heart has not been content with myself and that needs to change. So I am putting this post "out there" as a commitment from me to me... from me to my family... that I will become healthy. I will blog about my accomplishments and missteps. I will also blog about our beautiful and challenging toddler as well. My blog is a great outlet for these things and I've neglected it for far too long... kinda like I've neglected my health.

Here's to health, happiness and... a beautiful family portrait in the near future!